Husbands–you are leaving an impact on your marriage and your legacy. 

Every word, every action or inaction, every sound or silence to her, is telling the story of who you are.

How are you treating your wife? Do you love her as much as you love yourself, and treat her as you would your own body? 

A friend of mine once said he would ask his wife “have I been gentle and kind?” It was much later that I was struck with the courage of him to ask her this question as a regular evaluation of how he showed up to her. It took a humble man, willing to hear the truth and grow. Are you that man? 

The Heart of “Husband”

The word “husband” means a man in relation with his wife. And real relationship is established and grows with love and gentleness. It cannot thrive where harshness walks. 

Harsh words, cold tones, emotional silence or retreat, or dismissive looks can close her heart.

But a husband who is gentle, patient, and loving invites his wife to open and thrive. Where gentle kindness abides, her heart can feel safe, seen, and loved. 

Husbands, do you want to see her thriving with you? 

Here’s what I’ve learned:

A gentle husband…

• Approaches his wife with humility
• Strives to see his own heart, motives, and intentions clearly
• Fights to root out impurity in his own life and heart before highlighting hers
• Leads through service, asking, “What does she need? What is best for her?”
• Loves sacrificially: prioritizing her emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being above his own
• Never crushes or coerces: his words are kind and gentle, his actions protective, his heart humble
• Builds her up: sincerely speaking life into her strengths, beauty, and character
• Always tells the truth: kindly, without manipulation, with integrity in word and action

Hard Questions:

Husbands, ask yourselves

• Is there any harshness in the way I am treating her, speaking to her, or acting towards her (including pulling AWAY from her)? 
• If there is, FIGHT to root this out of your life.
• Is there humility and gentleness in the way I am treating her, talking to her, acting towards her? 
• If there is, BUILD on this–MULTIPLY it!

Even if your marriage is strained—or if you’re separated or divorced—how you treat the woman who once shared your life still defines you as a man.

• Are you respectful?
• Do you honor her in word and action, especially if children are watching?

Men’s Daily Practical Applications 

• Take responsibility to root out your own impurities and see where you are missing the mark. Ask for help where needed. 
• Check your heart: Am I frustrated or resentful toward my wife?
• Check your face + tone:  Nonverbal communication speaks loudly. 
• Serve first, lead second: Start by meeting her needs first. 
• Seek to understand her: Ask open questions from an inviting heart that wants to listen.
• Soften your heart: approach her with compassion and understanding, in light of your own struggles and shortcomings 
• Always Choose gentleness: especially in conflict, let love lead.

Your Impact as a Husband

You are leaving a mark on her heart.  Make yours good. Start today.

Your marriage and legacy are being defined in the way you treat her—minute by minute.

Questions or comments? gerberxc@gmail.com 

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