Photo Credit:Viacheslav Peretiatko

Most men that I know want to be respected. It is critically important to them–in their marriages, parenting, workplaces, and relationships. Respect is often deeply tied to a man’s identity–when a man feels respected, he may feel like he can conquer the world! But when a man feels he has lost respect, he often becomes crushed or discouraged.

My curiosity had me asking, “what truly is a “respectable”man?” 

In asking this question, I wondered:

1. What would women say a respectable man is? 
2. What would men say?
3. How would the responses of men and women align or differ?
4. How would the responses align with God’s Word?
5. If men fail to gain the respect they desire–in marriage, parenting, relationships or work–what happens and what can be done?
6. What can men learn from this survey and information?

In answering these questions, I will share insight collected from the individuals surveyed, ChatGPT, and my personal experience as well as what I understand from the Bible.

Methods and Clarification

I surveyed a group of approximately 20 individuals; women and men that I know. The question “what is a respectable man?” was asked via text message. I received responses back from 9 women and 6 men. 

-By “respectable”, I personally meant a man who is honorable, worthy of being followed, held in good regard and esteem.

-Summaries of the responses presented: These summaries come from my own review + ChatGPT + the Bible to analyze trends and provide insight

Limitations:

-Small sample size

-Small feedback diversity: majority of individuals sampled hold to Christian beliefs

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Question 1

What is a Respectable Man? Women’s Responses

The following are the 9 responses I received back from women.

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“In my opinion a respectable man is not a selfish man, but someone who truly cares about the feelings of others, and also shows that they care in a loving way.  He’s also a man who can open up his heart with honesty and let someone know how he feels without hurting that person. To sum it up a respectable man is worthy of respect, someone who others look up to and admire, someone God fearing.”

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“I describe a respectable man, as a gentleman. One who is polite, chivalrous, and Godly. An intellectual who has presence, and is also present. When he steps in a room, he commands respect. One who is stable and secure within himself.”

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“A respectable man would treat me as Christ loves the church and protects me”

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“I expect the man to show up capable and if he isn’t to have the desire and will to figure it out without complaint or cessation… to be well postured, a gentleman, well dressed and put together…to hold himself to a high standard- spiritually, relationally, physically, mentally and emotionally…to be in a balanced state of acceptance and growth and learning…to lead and correct and to challenge when necessary…to know when and what to fight for and how to do it…to know himself and to walk with a high level of confidence because he’s earned it through experience…to stay connected and engaged and to serve and to care.”

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“A man that wears a smile as a beacon to his heart. A man that is reliable with every word he speaks. One that is, dear with every thing he promises. A man that you know when you see him peace is the objective of his life. And that peace flows into the main course of your lives together.”

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“I would say that a respectable man is a man that stays true to his word. He has empathy and he treats everyone around him the way he wants to be treated himself.  He’s responsible with his obligations and is willing to wholeheartedly follow God’s will regarding how a man should carry himself  and how he should treat his wife and provide for his family.” 

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“Since you asked, I’ll tell…Respectable men are heroes in their own way.  Kindness is evidence of impenetrable strength.  Steady currents of service. Redirection if necessary.  A little less grip on the steering wheel:) Ability to release your familiar happiness. Sacrificing. Better boundaries in the most unexpected ways. Acceptance of new levels of integrity in real time. Able to live mindfully with a strong sense of your inner compass. Practice the pause.  Life is cautionary! Openness in meaningful relationships.  Carve out that depth with transparency and truth.  Principled.  Unlock wisdom and savor it completely. Stop engaging with old habits and collaborate with God.   Contentment. It becomes the truth you carry. Fear of the Lord is paramount!  You are his image bearer!  Wear his coat well!”

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“Kind, honest, compassionate, respects all other people always. Respect their spouses, their parents, their friends, their colleagues, the person checking them out at the grocery store, the plumber fixing the sink, the woman at the DMV, the family with a crying kid at the baseball game, etc. Holds space for others to have different views, express their thoughts, and engage in meaningful conversations. Has extra smiles for kids and older folks because they need the smiles the most. Is generous with their time and their finances. Is competent and capable and hard working. Ok with being imperfect and with others being imperfect. Leads with dignity and compassion and humor.Respect themselves too”

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“A man must have a relationship with the Lord, a reverence for God first and a recognition that every person is created in God’s image.  This gives value to others.  Treating everyone with proper respect is demonstrated through action:  Humble thinking about yourself and others, inward self-control, prioritizing the needs and well-being of others, treating them with empathy, kindness and consideration, shows others that you reverence God’s holiness and authority in your life.”

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Thank you, women, for your responses!

In Summary, from Women

A respectable man is God-centered, trustworthy, humble, and courageous. He is a man who leads with service, treats every person with dignity, and lives with steady integrity in both character and action.

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Question 2

What is a Respectable Man: Men’s Responses

I also asked men to answer “what is a respectable man?”. Here are the responses that I received. 

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“Someone with integrity who is outwardly focused. That’s my first thought!”

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“It’s kinda weird because you asked what makes a respectable man, and I immediately think, well, that’s a very outward view of how others perceive someone. I think it starts internally, showing respect for one’s self and other, with care, kindness, dignity, and understanding. Focusing on this kind of respect creates creates that outward respect as people interact with you, you know, treat others the way you’d like to be treated. I feel respect is led through genuine kindness and it shows through our actions and how we interact with others. And it’s what’s passed on, it’s how we get out of cycles of violence, poverty, and disrespect for others. We lead from a space of love and kindness.”

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“Integrity and honesty: He lives by his principles, keeps his word, and is truthful even when it’s inconvenient. This builds trust and sets him apart as dependable. Kindness: He shows compassion, treats others with respect, and considers their feelings without expecting anything in return. Self-confidence and emotional regulation: He maintains composure, believes in himself without arrogance, and handles emotions maturely, not reacting impulsively. Responsibility and perseverance: He owns his mistakes, follows through on commitments, and persists through challenges with ingenuity and calmness. Respect for boundaries: He honors others’ limits, sets his own, and prioritizes mutual well-being in relationships. Open-mindedness and humility: He listens to different viewpoints, admits when he’s wrong, and strives for personal growth without ego. Also, 2 Peter 1:5-10”

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“Men don’t desire respect. We need it. We only desire love. Women are the opposite. They desire respect but need love. 

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“A respectable man is one that is Godly. Imposes their will for good and not self gain. One that can adequately lead, protect and provide. “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭33‬ ‭ESV‬‬”

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“A respectable man is a man that carries himself with integrity in all walks of his life. That man’s actions line up with his words. He takes responsibility when he messes up instead of deflecting blame. While taking responsibility he would always apologize when needed. In relationships, a respectable man would see his partner as an equal, but still steps up to lead with purpose. He does not let his anger or ego detour him from making the right decision. He would listen and hear and not listen for his turn to speak. The man would be willing to protect. Outside of his relationship, put down others or oppress others for selfish benefit. Regardless of status he would consider others above himself. He would walk with humility and has a desire to grow.”

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Thank you, men, for your responses!

In Summary, from Men

A respectable man is a man of solid inner character—anchored in integrity, honesty, and faith—who lives consistently with his values. He is self-disciplined and emotionally steady, taking responsibility, keeping his word, and respecting healthy boundaries. He leads, protects, and provides with courage and humility, treats others with care and fairness, and continually seeks growth so that his life reflects God’s purpose and earns genuine respect.

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Question 3

What I Learned: How the Responses of Men and Women Surveyed Align or Differ

1. How women view “respectable.” Women surveyed here seem to focus on the relational experience of character. They describe how a man’s inner life shows up in everyday presence—kindness, warmth, reliability, joy, peace, and even appearance and demeanor. They stress how he treats people (from loved ones to strangers), how safe and valued others feel around him, and his capacity to cherish and protect.

2. How men view “respectable.” Men surveyed here seem focus on the “inner architecture” of character. They describe respectability as something built from the inside out: integrity that matches words and actions, emotional steadiness, self-respect, clear boundaries, and perseverance through difficulty. They see these internal disciplines as what creates the outward respect of others. Their language often stresses responsibility, need for respect, and the call to lead, protect, and provide.

3. Women and men surveyed here describe a respectable man in similar terms—grounded in God, integrity, humility, and steady leadership—but from different angles.
   • Men communicated the importance of the inner framework: self-respect, emotional regulation, responsibility, perseverance, and clear boundaries, seeing inner mastery as the source of outward respect.
   •  Women emphasized the relational atmosphere he creates: kindness, joy, presence, dependable action, and even physical poise that makes others feel safe and valued. 

Together, their views formed a whole picture: a man who is God-centered and self-disciplined, whose character produces outward service, protection, and a peaceful, welcoming presence that inspires trust and admiration.

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Question 4

How do the responses align with God’s Word?

In 1 Timothy 3, Paul paints a picture of a leader within the church. To me, this is a visualization of what I think of when I think of a “respectable” man.

He says, “This is a trustworthy saying: “If someone aspires to be a church leader, he desires an honorable position.” 2 So a church leader must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. 3 He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. 4 He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. 5 For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?

To Summarize…this leader is 

• Above reproach – blameless in reputation; nothing in his life brings dishonor to Christ or the church.
• Faithful in marriage & family – devoted to one wife, manages household and children well.
• Self-controlled and sober-minded – clear-thinking, disciplined, not given to excess or quick anger.
• Respectable and hospitable – dignified, welcoming, kind to strangers.
• Able to teach – grounded in Scripture and able to communicate truth wisely.
• Gentle, not quarrelsome – patient and peace-loving, not argumentative or violent.
• Not greedy – free from love of money; generous and content.
• Spiritually mature – not a new convert; tested and proven.

And he has a…

• Good reputation with outsiders – respected even beyond the church.

As a whole, the Bible presents a respectable man as…

• A man who fears God and walks in integrity (Proverbs 1:7; Micah 6:8). 
• A man who is faithful in relationships—loving his wife and family sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25), providing and protecting them (1 Timothy 5:8). 
• A man who is just and honest in work and dealings (Proverbs 11:1), self-controlled and humble (Galatians 5:22-23; Philippians 2:3), and courageous in doing right (Joshua 1:9). 
• A man who treats every person with kindness and fairness (Luke 6:31; James 1:27), uses his words to build up, not tear down (Ephesians 4:29), and remains steadfast in trials (James 1:12).

In Summary

God’s Word calls a man respectable when his reverence for God shapes his character, relationships, and leadership, so that his life consistently blesses others and reflects Christ.

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Question 5

What If I Fail?

If men fail to gain or keep the respect they desire–in marriage, parenting, relationships or work–what happens? What can be done about this?

This will be explored in later writing. But in short, go to Question 6 — continue to learn and grow. Despite where you may have fallen short, there is opportunity to turn and move forward!

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Question 6

What Can Men Learn? Action For Men–How to Grow as a Truly Respectable Man

• Live with integrity. Keep your word in small and big things. Let actions and words always match.
• Live by truth. And know what truth you live by. Explore God’s timeless truth.
• Stay steady. Practice self-control. Pause before reacting. Handle stress and conflict with calm.
• Walk with God. Spend time in Scripture and prayer. Let faith guide decisions and give strength.
• Keep growing. Invite honest feedback, admit mistakes, and keep learning.
• Lead and serve. Take initiative at home, work, and in community. Protect and provide with humility and gentleness.
• Create peace around you. Be kind and generous. Treat everyone—from family to strangers—with respect so people feel valued and safe.
• Love deeply–take risks, to show love and demonstrate love to those in your life.
  

The Bottom Line: Build strong character on the inside and let it show on the outside through steady, caring action.

If you have faith in Christ, allow the Spirit to transform your heart to produce these attributes of Godly character. I personally believe these inward characteristics, worthy of respect and honor, are not formed simply by self-effort…they are driven by true heart-transformation through the power of the Holy Spirit working within a tender, responsive heart.

“I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36: 26

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Move Forward! 

What did you learn from this?

What can you apply?

Feedback or comments: gerberxc@gmail.com