If you asked leading men’s voices what the secret is to facing the hardest things in life and still remain content, here’s what they might say*: 

• Jordan Peterson, a psychologist focused on meaning and responsibility, would likely say contentment is a byproduct of voluntarily carrying your suffering with truth and aiming at a meaningful goal
• Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL and leadership coach, might say don’t chase contentment—focus on discipline and mission, and satisfaction will follow execution
• Ryan Holiday, a modern Stoic author, might say contentment comes from mastering your perception and seeing obstacles as training
• John Eldredge, the Christian author on masculine identity, might say peace flows from knowing you are a beloved son in the middle of the battle and not fighting alone
• David Goggins, the endurance athlete, might redefine contentment as the earned pride that comes from not quitting
• Andrew Huberman, the neuroscientist, might point to regulating your nervous system so stress doesn’t hijack your inner state

But my favorite answer comes from a short, bow-legged guy in shackles who wrote letters around 2,000 years ago.  If Paul was podcasting or hosting workshops for men in 60 AD, his words would be bold: “Hey guys, I have the secret! Do you want to be empowered to face anything and everything in life well and remain content? I know how.”

Paul knew trouble–he faced beating, abuse, hunger, shipwreck, and even stoning. While writing the letter in which this passage is found, he was in prison. And yet even there, he can say that he, in any circumstance or situation, whether good, bad, or terrible, knows how to be empowered and infused with inner strength to endure, prevail, and remain content. 

What’s his secret? It sounds simple, but I had to dive into understanding his source. Hang in here guys-even if you aren’t spiritual, you should find something in this. 

“Through Christ”

Here’s what I have learned:

• Paul’s insight speaks into every kind of hard circumstance a man may face–including divorce
• His inner empowerment is relational, not materially-based or circumstantial 
• The strength he gained was derived from who the relationship was founded in–not self-driven
• The closer I am to Jesus, the steadier I can remain when life hits hard, and the more content I can be
• Joy, peace, and contentment are linked: when I experience joy from a close relationship with Jesus, I can also experience contentment in the peace of that relationship, regardless of my circumstances

Ultimately, the answer I see here to finding contentment is not “try harder”, but “abide”; Paul understands real contentment is rooted in a relationship. It is not self-driven, but relationally supplied by one who truly has the power to supply all that I need–Jesus. 

When the primary relationship in a man’s life is being lost in divorce, being united with Jesus Christ offers real peace, internal strength, and endurance to face the situation and remain content. This doesn’t mean he will always feel that way, or that the pain, suffering, or circumstances will go away–but they no longer have their controlling power because of Christ’s victory. 

Men, we are invited to participate in a life empowered in abiding with Jesus, where our minds can be given new perspectives, our hearts can be given strength, and our souls can find contentment, because of his Spirit living and working in us. 

This world needs men who are rooted, perservering, and steady, no matter what they are facing or what is happening around them. It also needs men who are content, because they are empowered by something more powerful than their feelings, themselves, or their circumstances. 

Do you want to be a man who can face anything, even (arguably) the hardest thing a man can face–divorce–and remain content? Look to Jesus to lead you through this–He is the source we need to be truly content.  

Moving Forward

No matter where you are at or what you are facing, ask yourself these questions:

What is your source of contentment? 

Is it greater than the situation you are in? 

Will it last longer than your circumstances? Does it bring you peace?

———————-

“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13 

*chatGPT utilized for men’s voices summary