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Facilitating Personal and Relational Growth

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  • What is a Respectable Man? A Survey of Women and Men

    Photo Credit:Viacheslav Peretiatko

    Most men that I know want to be respected. It is critically important to them–in their marriages, parenting, workplaces, and relationships. Respect is often deeply tied to a man’s identity–when a man feels respected, he may feel like he can conquer the world! But when a man feels he has lost respect, he often becomes crushed or discouraged.

    My curiosity had me asking, “what truly is a “respectable”man?” 

    In asking this question, I wondered:

    1. What would women say a respectable man is? 
    2. What would men say?
    3. How would the responses of men and women align or differ?
    4. How would the responses align with God’s Word?
    5. If men fail to gain the respect they desire–in marriage, parenting, relationships or work–what happens and what can be done?
    6. What can men learn from this survey and information?

    In answering these questions, I will share insight collected from the individuals surveyed, ChatGPT, and my personal experience as well as what I understand from the Bible.

    Methods and Clarification

    I surveyed a group of approximately 20 individuals; women and men that I know. The question “what is a respectable man?” was asked via text message. I received responses back from 9 women and 6 men. 

    -By “respectable”, I personally meant a man who is honorable, worthy of being followed, held in good regard and esteem.

    -Summaries of the responses presented: These summaries come from my own review + ChatGPT + the Bible to analyze trends and provide insight

    Limitations:

    -Small sample size

    -Small feedback diversity: majority of individuals sampled hold to Christian beliefs

    _________________________________

    Question 1

    What is a Respectable Man? Women’s Responses

    The following are the 9 responses I received back from women.

    _________________________________

    “In my opinion a respectable man is not a selfish man, but someone who truly cares about the feelings of others, and also shows that they care in a loving way.  He’s also a man who can open up his heart with honesty and let someone know how he feels without hurting that person. To sum it up a respectable man is worthy of respect, someone who others look up to and admire, someone God fearing.”

    _________________________________

    “I describe a respectable man, as a gentleman. One who is polite, chivalrous, and Godly. An intellectual who has presence, and is also present. When he steps in a room, he commands respect. One who is stable and secure within himself.”

    _________________________________

    “A respectable man would treat me as Christ loves the church and protects me”

    _________________________________

    “I expect the man to show up capable and if he isn’t to have the desire and will to figure it out without complaint or cessation… to be well postured, a gentleman, well dressed and put together…to hold himself to a high standard- spiritually, relationally, physically, mentally and emotionally…to be in a balanced state of acceptance and growth and learning…to lead and correct and to challenge when necessary…to know when and what to fight for and how to do it…to know himself and to walk with a high level of confidence because he’s earned it through experience…to stay connected and engaged and to serve and to care.”

    _________________________________

    “A man that wears a smile as a beacon to his heart. A man that is reliable with every word he speaks. One that is, dear with every thing he promises. A man that you know when you see him peace is the objective of his life. And that peace flows into the main course of your lives together.”

    _________________________________

    “I would say that a respectable man is a man that stays true to his word. He has empathy and he treats everyone around him the way he wants to be treated himself.  He’s responsible with his obligations and is willing to wholeheartedly follow God’s will regarding how a man should carry himself  and how he should treat his wife and provide for his family.” 

    _________________________________

    “Since you asked, I’ll tell…Respectable men are heroes in their own way.  Kindness is evidence of impenetrable strength.  Steady currents of service. Redirection if necessary.  A little less grip on the steering wheel:) Ability to release your familiar happiness. Sacrificing. Better boundaries in the most unexpected ways. Acceptance of new levels of integrity in real time. Able to live mindfully with a strong sense of your inner compass. Practice the pause.  Life is cautionary! Openness in meaningful relationships.  Carve out that depth with transparency and truth.  Principled.  Unlock wisdom and savor it completely. Stop engaging with old habits and collaborate with God.   Contentment. It becomes the truth you carry. Fear of the Lord is paramount!  You are his image bearer!  Wear his coat well!”

    _________________________________

    “Kind, honest, compassionate, respects all other people always. Respect their spouses, their parents, their friends, their colleagues, the person checking them out at the grocery store, the plumber fixing the sink, the woman at the DMV, the family with a crying kid at the baseball game, etc. Holds space for others to have different views, express their thoughts, and engage in meaningful conversations. Has extra smiles for kids and older folks because they need the smiles the most. Is generous with their time and their finances. Is competent and capable and hard working. Ok with being imperfect and with others being imperfect. Leads with dignity and compassion and humor.Respect themselves too”

    _________________________________

    “A man must have a relationship with the Lord, a reverence for God first and a recognition that every person is created in God’s image.  This gives value to others.  Treating everyone with proper respect is demonstrated through action:  Humble thinking about yourself and others, inward self-control, prioritizing the needs and well-being of others, treating them with empathy, kindness and consideration, shows others that you reverence God’s holiness and authority in your life.”

    _________________________________

    Thank you, women, for your responses!

    In Summary, from Women

    A respectable man is God-centered, trustworthy, humble, and courageous. He is a man who leads with service, treats every person with dignity, and lives with steady integrity in both character and action.

    _________________________________

    Question 2

    What is a Respectable Man: Men’s Responses

    I also asked men to answer “what is a respectable man?”. Here are the responses that I received. 

    _________________________________

    “Someone with integrity who is outwardly focused. That’s my first thought!”

    _________________________________

    “It’s kinda weird because you asked what makes a respectable man, and I immediately think, well, that’s a very outward view of how others perceive someone. I think it starts internally, showing respect for one’s self and other, with care, kindness, dignity, and understanding. Focusing on this kind of respect creates creates that outward respect as people interact with you, you know, treat others the way you’d like to be treated. I feel respect is led through genuine kindness and it shows through our actions and how we interact with others. And it’s what’s passed on, it’s how we get out of cycles of violence, poverty, and disrespect for others. We lead from a space of love and kindness.”

    _________________________________

    “Integrity and honesty: He lives by his principles, keeps his word, and is truthful even when it’s inconvenient. This builds trust and sets him apart as dependable. Kindness: He shows compassion, treats others with respect, and considers their feelings without expecting anything in return. Self-confidence and emotional regulation: He maintains composure, believes in himself without arrogance, and handles emotions maturely, not reacting impulsively. Responsibility and perseverance: He owns his mistakes, follows through on commitments, and persists through challenges with ingenuity and calmness. Respect for boundaries: He honors others’ limits, sets his own, and prioritizes mutual well-being in relationships. Open-mindedness and humility: He listens to different viewpoints, admits when he’s wrong, and strives for personal growth without ego. Also, 2 Peter 1:5-10”

    _________________________________

    “Men don’t desire respect. We need it. We only desire love. Women are the opposite. They desire respect but need love. 

    _________________________________

    “A respectable man is one that is Godly. Imposes their will for good and not self gain. One that can adequately lead, protect and provide. “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭33‬ ‭ESV‬‬”

    _________________________________

    “A respectable man is a man that carries himself with integrity in all walks of his life. That man’s actions line up with his words. He takes responsibility when he messes up instead of deflecting blame. While taking responsibility he would always apologize when needed. In relationships, a respectable man would see his partner as an equal, but still steps up to lead with purpose. He does not let his anger or ego detour him from making the right decision. He would listen and hear and not listen for his turn to speak. The man would be willing to protect. Outside of his relationship, put down others or oppress others for selfish benefit. Regardless of status he would consider others above himself. He would walk with humility and has a desire to grow.”

    _________________________________

    Thank you, men, for your responses!

    In Summary, from Men

    A respectable man is a man of solid inner character—anchored in integrity, honesty, and faith—who lives consistently with his values. He is self-disciplined and emotionally steady, taking responsibility, keeping his word, and respecting healthy boundaries. He leads, protects, and provides with courage and humility, treats others with care and fairness, and continually seeks growth so that his life reflects God’s purpose and earns genuine respect.

    _________________________________

    Question 3

    What I Learned: How the Responses of Men and Women Surveyed Align or Differ

    1. How women view “respectable.” Women surveyed here seem to focus on the relational experience of character. They describe how a man’s inner life shows up in everyday presence—kindness, warmth, reliability, joy, peace, and even appearance and demeanor. They stress how he treats people (from loved ones to strangers), how safe and valued others feel around him, and his capacity to cherish and protect.
    1. How men view “respectable.” Men surveyed here seem focus on the “inner architecture” of character. They describe respectability as something built from the inside out: integrity that matches words and actions, emotional steadiness, self-respect, clear boundaries, and perseverance through difficulty. They see these internal disciplines as what creates the outward respect of others. Their language often stresses responsibility, need for respect, and the call to lead, protect, and provide.
    1. Women and men surveyed here describe a respectable man in similar terms—grounded in God, integrity, humility, and steady leadership—but from different angles.
      • Men communicated the importance of the inner framework: self-respect, emotional regulation, responsibility, perseverance, and clear boundaries, seeing inner mastery as the source of outward respect.
      •  Women emphasized the relational atmosphere he creates: kindness, joy, presence, dependable action, and even physical poise that makes others feel safe and valued. 

    Together, their views formed a whole picture: a man who is God-centered and self-disciplined, whose character produces outward service, protection, and a peaceful, welcoming presence that inspires trust and admiration.

    _________________________________

    Question 4

    How do the responses align with God’s Word?

    In 1 Timothy 3, Paul paints a picture of a leader within the church. To me, this is a visualization of what I think of when I think of a “respectable” man.

    He says, “This is a trustworthy saying: “If someone aspires to be a church leader, he desires an honorable position.” 2 So a church leader must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. 3 He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. 4 He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. 5 For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?

    To Summarize…this leader is 

    • Above reproach – blameless in reputation; nothing in his life brings dishonor to Christ or the church.
    • Faithful in marriage & family – devoted to one wife, manages household and children well.
    • Self-controlled and sober-minded – clear-thinking, disciplined, not given to excess or quick anger.
    • Respectable and hospitable – dignified, welcoming, kind to strangers.
    • Able to teach – grounded in Scripture and able to communicate truth wisely.
    • Gentle, not quarrelsome – patient and peace-loving, not argumentative or violent.
    • Not greedy – free from love of money; generous and content.
    • Spiritually mature – not a new convert; tested and proven.

    And he has a…

    • Good reputation with outsiders – respected even beyond the church.

    As a whole, the Bible presents a respectable man as…

    • A man who fears God and walks in integrity (Proverbs 1:7; Micah 6:8). 
    • A man who is faithful in relationships—loving his wife and family sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25), providing and protecting them (1 Timothy 5:8). 
    • A man who is just and honest in work and dealings (Proverbs 11:1), self-controlled and humble (Galatians 5:22-23; Philippians 2:3), and courageous in doing right (Joshua 1:9). 
    • A man who treats every person with kindness and fairness (Luke 6:31; James 1:27), uses his words to build up, not tear down (Ephesians 4:29), and remains steadfast in trials (James 1:12).

    In Summary

    God’s Word calls a man respectable when his reverence for God shapes his character, relationships, and leadership, so that his life consistently blesses others and reflects Christ.

    _________________________________

    Question 5

    What If I Fail?

    If men fail to gain or keep the respect they desire–in marriage, parenting, relationships or work–what happens? What can be done about this?

    This will be explored in later writing. But in short, go to Question 6 — continue to learn and grow. Despite where you may have fallen short, there is opportunity to turn and move forward!

    _________________________________

    Question 6

    What Can Men Learn? Action For Men–How to Grow as a Truly Respectable Man

    • Live with integrity. Keep your word in small and big things. Let actions and words always match.
    • Live by truth. And know what truth you live by. Explore God’s timeless truth.
    • Stay steady. Practice self-control. Pause before reacting. Handle stress and conflict with calm.
    • Walk with God. Spend time in Scripture and prayer. Let faith guide decisions and give strength.
    • Keep growing. Invite honest feedback, admit mistakes, and keep learning.
    • Lead and serve. Take initiative at home, work, and in community. Protect and provide with humility and gentleness.
    • Create peace around you. Be kind and generous. Treat everyone—from family to strangers—with respect so people feel valued and safe.
    • Love deeply–take risks, to show love and demonstrate love to those in your life.

    The Bottom Line: Build strong character on the inside and let it show on the outside through steady, caring action.

    If you have faith in Christ, allow the Spirit to transform your heart to produce these attributes of Godly character. I personally believe these inward characteristics, worthy of respect and honor, are not formed simply by self-effort…they are driven by true heart-transformation through the power of the Holy Spirit working within a tender, responsive heart.

    “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36: 26

    _________________________________

    Move Forward! 

    What did you learn from this?

    What can you apply?

    Feedback or comments: gerberxc@gmail.com

  • Oh Julia,

    Oh Julia,

    If I had known, would I have said anything differently?
    Would I have wanted to ask you any other questions?

    You were filled with joy.
    Your flowers knew your voice as you sang to them like your children.
    Through you your family knew true love.

    To hold space and time with you for even a moment was an honor.
    A gift, I knew, that was so much more than time.

    You loved and lived your faith like a child.
    Undoubting and so pure.

    Oh Julia,

    you are in the arms of your Savior.
    At home and at rest, your journey on this earth is over.

    And in God’s presence your song is singing.
    Oh child, he says, you are mine forever.

  • Lasting Hope

    If you know lasting hope, set out before you–hope that cannot be taken or shaken, then it is possible, regardless of the circumstances…to ALWAYS be able to praise + rejoice + give thanks–in the morning, the midday, and the in dark of night.

    -Alex

  • What I Learned About Relationship From Psalm 23

    The 6 verses of Psalm 23 are short, but packed with richness–about provision, protection, leadership and presence.

    I often think about what women need from men, and these elements in Psalm 23 stuck out to me in how it describes what God gives his people. I think these reflect what a good man should strive to consistently give his woman.

    These are simply stated here–explore in depth on your own!

    The “Good Shepherd” Gives….

    1. Provision→ vs 1

    2. Rest→ vs 2

    3. Leadership + Discerning Guidance→vs 2-3

    4. Encouragement and Strengthening→vs 3

    5. Presence in All Circumstances→ vs 4

    6. Protection and Comfort → vs 4

    7. Honor and Celebration → vs 5

    8. Faithfulness and Goodness→ vs 6

    9. Unfailing Love and Pursuit→ vs 6

    10. Life→ vs 6

    I encourage you to read this Psalm yourself to unpack these elements.

    Reflections for Men

    →As you read the list above, what are your strengths and in what areas are you showing up strong?

    →In what areas can you continue to build?

    →How are you bringing her “life”?

    Reflections for Women

    →Where do you see his greatest strengths in the provision of these relational elements?

    Men: Take Action!

    →Consider 1-2 areas that you can focus on this week

    →Look for 1-2 ways to bring honor to and celebrate her!

    gerberxc@gmail.com

    Photo cred: the Atlantic

  • Where Are The Men?

    The battle is raging, and I find myself turning and looking around. Where are the men? Where are the fighters? Have they abandoned their posts?

    Our city is under attack! Our families are being separated out and isolated! Our children are exposed and vulnerable! Our neighbors–in the very houses next to us– are suffering! The poor, the broken, the weak, the wounded, the widows and orphans, are crying out for help!

    Where are the men?

    I see a few emerging from the smoky haze. There are some already going among the ranks. They are quiet but selfless. They are helping the wounded. Repairing the walls. Shoring up the foundations and securing the defenses. Several are going out and scouting out the enemy’s positions. Yes–there are some! Fighting with great strength!!

    But they are few. Where are the rest?

    They are behind. Overwhelmed. Incapacitated. Just trying to survive. In the thick of their own battles, fighting desperately with all they have. Exhausted, trying to hold secure the defenses of their homes and save themselves and their families.

    Some are being overwhelmed. They’re fighting but they are weak–they need relief.

    Some are down–lying wounded. Bleeding. In pain.

    Some are dead–their battle is over.

    And many are…wait, what?! Is that what I think I see?! They’re sitting down. Surrounded by food and drink. Laughing and enjoying themselves. Eating their fill. Oblivious to a battle around them. Their weapons have been dropped and abandoned. Their posts are empty. Their families and neighbors are being taken away! Their houses are being plundered! Everything of value is being stripped from them–and they are oblivious–lost in their own selves and enjoying the gluttony of comfort!

    Step up, boys! Be men! Pick up your weapons! Stand your ground! Fight! You are giving away all that you have and all that you are. Be men!

    We need you.

  • 8 Lessons from Men Who’ve Faced Divorce

    I recently had a chance to sit down at a meal with men who have—and are—facing divorce, and experience the power of men showing up authentically and vulnerably. I want to share a few things I’ve learned along the way from these conversations and my own experience.

    💬 Tell the Truth. Do what is Right

    No matter how hard it is, or how much it costs you. 

    Notes: even in a separation or divorce, you can reflect what God asks of you and your life in the decisions you make and in the actions you take. Show up with integrity! Show up with compassion! Show up with confidence that he has equipped you to do what is right, regardless of your situation.

    💬 Community Matters. 

    Telling your story truthfully and in safe spaces brings healing. For men, having community is critical.

    Note: Don’t go alone. You have a choice! Having men around you to challenge you and call you forward when your actions do not align with what you say or value could be an essential component in helping you change course BEFORE catastrophe forces you to change (i.e separation and divorce)

    💬 Provision Doesn’t Equal Connection.

    Houses, cars, and money don’t replace intimacy, listening, and attentiveness and care in a marriage. 

    Note: Guys, just because you are providing all these “things” for your family and your wife doesn’t mean that this corresponds to the quality of your marriage and the quality of your relationship. If you don’t invest in your marriage relationship foremost, everything else is almost for nothing. You are called to provide relationaly and materially—don’t neglect either one!

    💬 Don’t Ignore Warnings.

    Problems don’t fix themselves; act before it’s too late. 

    Note: has she given you any indications that things in your relationship may not be okay? Has your partner expressed in any way that she is not happy or that there is an area you need to change? Have you approached her with gentleness to ask her to give feedback to the quality of your relationship and how you can show up better for her, and provided a safe space for her to respond to this question honestly? How is your awareness?

    💬 Take Responsibility.

    Own your part with humility; growth starts with honesty and a heart that is open to learn and understand. 

    Note: Don’t blame. Instead of being stuck in someone else’s actions (i.e. your ex), ask “What do I need to do? What can I do? What does this situation call me to do?” then DO it!

    💬 Stay Engaged. Be Present. 

    Men may become “replaceable” when they stop showing up emotionally.

    Notes: show up! Be present. If you are in a marriage or relationship, focus your thoughts and your attention towards her and what she needs when you are with her. Listen!

    💬 Hidden Pain Keeps Hurting. 

    Outward toughness often hides inward pain and longing.

    Note: are you acting tough to cover something that hurts inside? Do you have any hidden pain? Do you have any unaddressed hurt or wounding? If so, what are you willing to do about it? Take the steps you need to take to address this. 

    💬 Have Confidence

    True strength comes from inner character, not status or success. 

    Note: True confidence comes from understanding your identity. If you are in Christ, you should know exactly who you are and act according to that. Show up consistently present, confident and hopeful, eager and attentive, and listening to understand. Confidence is attractive. Passivity is repulsive. The source of your confidence is critical. Where is yours? Check out Ephesians 3:12

    Growth for Men

    ▶️ Prioritize your provision of relationship.  

    ▶️ Be proactive in addressing struggles.

    ▶️ Show up with presence, not just provision.

    ▶️ Seek brotherhood. 

    ▶️ Build confidence in who you are, not in what you own or provide materially.  

    Impact on Relationships: Your Action Steps

    👣 Bring Connection To Bring Comfort and Safety: Real intimacy sustains marriage.

    👣 Have Honest Check-Ins: Don’t just assume “everything’s fine.” Get real. Get deep.

    👣 Bring Indispensable Love: Emotional presence makes you irreplaceable.

    👣 Provide Growth-Oriented Partnership: Build together, not just provide.

    👉 Takeaway:

    A man’s true strength is shown not in what he materially provides, but in how he connects, listens, and loves.

  • Living Satisfied: Building Deeper Relationships Beyond Divorce

    Yesterday, my daughter and I were scrolling through old photos from when we lived in Richmond, VA. She laughed at seeing herself as a “little person,” while I was struck by how much she remembered, even at such a young age.

    In those photos, I found a picture of some cracked bricks on our old house. At the time, those cracks filled me with anxiety. Were they spreading? Would the porch collapse?

    Looking back, I realize those bricks were more than just bricks. They mirrored the cracks in my relationships at the time—with my wife, my friend, and even with my parents and siblings. Fear kept me from deep connection. I worried about rejection, betrayal, abandonment. So instead of going deep, I built walls and held back. And the cracks widened.

    Divorce forced me to face those fears. In losing what I thought I had, I learned who I was and how I wanted to show up—unafraid to go deep. Depth matters.  It comes with risk and discomfort, but it also brings the richest rewards.

    Today my relationships—with my daughters, my family, my friends, others, and most importantly God—are richer and deeper than ever. I share not only in their pain, but also in their joy, excitement, hope, and celebration. To me, this is where real satisfaction lives.

    So let me ask you: Are there walls holding you back from deep connection? Are there cracks you’ve been avoiding? What might happen if you pushed past fear and chose to go deeper?

    Alex

    gerberxc@gmail.com

  • What Man Are You Becoming?

    7 Characteristics Worth Pursuing
     (3 minute read)

    It’s a quiet Saturday morning. You have your coffee, and you’re looking out the window. You’re not thinking about mowing your lawn, or cleaning out the garage—you’re wondering, “Am I becoming the man I always hoped I’d be?”

    Here’s the truth: You are becoming someone. The question is, “who?”

    Your time, choices, and habits are shaping you. The man you’re becoming will be revealed in the way you love, lead, and live today—and tomorrow.

    If you are single — it’s easy to focus on the kind of woman you hope to find… but neglect to become the kind of man you need to be.

    If you are married — what kind of husband are you becoming? Are you focusing on the areas you can control and improve?

    Here are 7 characteristics of a man worth pursuing:

    1️⃣ A man who fears the Lord
    Strength doesn’t come from our own sufficiency and ability—it comes from walking in humility before God and with God.
    Where are you walking?

    Action: write down one area of your life you’ve been keeping in your own control. Consider releasing it to God today.

    2️⃣ A man who leads with sacrificial love
    It costs to love–personally. Are you giving, protecting, and serving, even when it costs something?
    Is everything you do done in this kind of love?

    Action: consider doing one thing this week that costs you comfort for someone else’s good

    3️⃣ A man of integrity
    Who you are when no one is watching is the truly the man you’re becoming.
    Who are you and what are you doing when no one watches?

    Action: identify one area where your public and private life don’t match, and work to close the gap

    4️⃣ A man with self-control
    Your words, your anger, your desires—how are they directing you?

    Action: ask a close friend, family member or spouse to call you out this week if you lose control in speech, tone, impulse, or attitude

    5️⃣ A man who serves and is hospitable
    Real strength shows up in the willingness to lift others up and to open the doors of your life and home towards others.
    How have you been serving?

    Action: invite someone into your life or home this week for no other reason than to bless them

    6️⃣ A man who denies himself
    Self-denial is not passivity or weakness. It’s rejecting selfish ambition, controlling impulses, living sacrificially, and doing what is good and just.
    Who are you living for?

    Action: say no to one thing you want this week so that you can say “yes” to something that truly matters

    7️⃣ A man who keeps good company
    “Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.”
    The people you have around you are shaping you. They are a huge part of your character development.
    Which direction are they moving you?

    Action: evaluate 1-3 of your closest friendships and the direction they are moving you.

    👣 Call to Move Forward
     The man you will be in 6 months, 5 years, 10 years—is built by the decisions you make today.

    Which one of these 7 stands out to you most right now—and why? drop your answer in the comments below.

    References: 📖 Micah 6:8–9, Psalm 1:1–3, 1 Timothy 3:1–7, 1 Corinthians 16:13–14, Matthew 20:26–28, Luke 9:23, Proverbs 20:7

  • The Way You Treat Your Wife is Defining You As a Man

    Husbands–you are leaving an impact on your marriage and your legacy. 

    Every word, every action or inaction, every sound or silence to her, is telling the story of who you are.

    How are you treating your wife? Do you love her as much as you love yourself, and treat her as you would your own body? 

    A friend of mine once said he would ask his wife “have I been gentle and kind?” It was much later that I was struck with the courage of him to ask her this question as a regular evaluation of how he showed up to her. It took a humble man, willing to hear the truth and grow. Are you that man? 

    The Heart of “Husband”

    The word “husband” means a man in relation with his wife. And real relationship is established and grows with love and gentleness. It cannot thrive where harshness walks. 

    Harsh words, cold tones, emotional silence or retreat, or dismissive looks can close her heart.

    But a husband who is gentle, patient, and loving invites his wife to open and thrive. Where gentle kindness abides, her heart can feel safe, seen, and loved. 

    Husbands, do you want to see her thriving with you? 

    Here’s what I’ve learned:

    A gentle husband…

    • Approaches his wife with humility
    • Strives to see his own heart, motives, and intentions clearly
    • Fights to root out impurity in his own life and heart before highlighting hers
    • Leads through service, asking, “What does she need? What is best for her?”
    • Loves sacrificially: prioritizing her emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being above his own
    • Never crushes or coerces: his words are kind and gentle, his actions protective, his heart humble
    • Builds her up: sincerely speaking life into her strengths, beauty, and character
    • Always tells the truth: kindly, without manipulation, with integrity in word and action

    Hard Questions:

    Husbands, ask yourselves

    • Is there any harshness in the way I am treating her, speaking to her, or acting towards her (including pulling AWAY from her)? 
    • If there is, FIGHT to root this out of your life.
    • Is there humility and gentleness in the way I am treating her, talking to her, acting towards her? 
    • If there is, BUILD on this–MULTIPLY it!

    Even if your marriage is strained—or if you’re separated or divorced—how you treat the woman who once shared your life still defines you as a man.

    • Are you respectful?
    • Do you honor her in word and action, especially if children are watching?

    Men’s Daily Practical Applications 

    • Take responsibility to root out your own impurities and see where you are missing the mark. Ask for help where needed. 
    • Check your heart: Am I frustrated or resentful toward my wife?
    • Check your face + tone:  Nonverbal communication speaks loudly. 
    • Serve first, lead second: Start by meeting her needs first. 
    • Seek to understand her: Ask open questions from an inviting heart that wants to listen.
    • Soften your heart: approach her with compassion and understanding, in light of your own struggles and shortcomings 
    • Always Choose gentleness: especially in conflict, let love lead.

    Your Impact as a Husband

    You are leaving a mark on her heart.  Make yours good. Start today.

    Your marriage and legacy are being defined in the way you treat her—minute by minute.

    Questions or comments? gerberxc@gmail.com 

    www.movingmenforward.com 

  • Failure ?

    It’s hard to admit when I have failed.

    The greater the failure, the harder it becomes to admit.  My list might read like….

    Husband–failed.

    Dad–often failing. 

    Man– yep. 

    Friend–yeah, quite a bit. 

    It also amazes me how deep my self-pride goes. It is so easy and so natural to want to make my mistakes and failures less than what they really are, to others and myself. 

    And disturbingly, the more accurate my self-assessment becomes, the wider the gap I see between perfection and where I am, or where I have been…..between “good” and “me”. 

    BUT…here’s the GOOD news…

    He’s already made a way for me. 

    We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. Romans 3:22-24, NLT

    It blows my mind to watch God make something beautiful out of the broken pieces of my failures; out of the messes in my life. So many second chances, new opportunities, each day! 

    In fact, I could sit here all day and tell you about the things He has done and the things He is still doing. Yes, I’m happy to tell you about it! Me @ 803-237-0628. 

    And so, the wider the gap I see, the greater my appreciation for what He has done FOR ME, through Jesus. God IS good.

    This, friends, brings me hope today.

    Failure? Not in His eyes.