Photo: Colorado Pain Center

When a Man Copes

Personal Insight from Men Talk, April 28th 2025

Topic: Healthy and Unhealthy Ways to Cope

Platform: MEND Virtual Gathering

http://www.mendcharleston.com

Coping encompasses the various ways people deal with stress and negative emotions.

Several days ago, a group of 5 guys gathered together online to talk about healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with pain. The depth of the conversation and the personal stories of the men was unexpected and impactful. I wanted to take time to summarize a few of the notes, comments, and takeaways from that gathering.

Notes

We noted unhealthy (maladaptive) examples of coping with pain (physical/mental/emotional): alcohol addiction, drugs, pornography, rage, etc. Also, numbing out, mindlessly scrolling youtube videos or reels, playing video games excessively, and binge eating.

Comments 

“A coping skill is something I do when I am stressed. I start doing it out of habit.”

“It becomes unhealthy when it takes away from my responsibilities, or something I have to do.”

Unhealthy coping takes us away from awareness. Away from being present and in the moment. And it moves us ultimately away from relationship. Away from connection. 

Takeaways

There may be several key things we can focus on to help keep from drifting into unhealthy coping behavior:

Be aware. 

Be conscious. 

Be present. 

Know your triggers. Become familiar with them. 

Know your body. 

• Do you feel hungry, angry, lonely, tired? 
• Do you feel anxious or worried? 
• Is your heart racing? 
• Do you feel tense? 

Know your values. Be aware of these

Orient yourself. 

• Do you know where you are? 
• What are your values? 
• Who you are? 
• Why are you choosing to do what you are doing?

Think forward: choose to pursue a better way of living, no matter how deep the pain. 

Remember who you are, and who you want to be. 

Is what you are choosing to do aligning with these?

Facing our pain in a healthy way moves us towards something better. towards healing, towards relationship, towards connection, and towards a better way of living.

Thoughts or comments?

Alex Gerber

Gerberxc@gmail.com