What can I say about my dad? I have been a daddy’s girl for as long as I can remember.
I came into this world weighing 2 lb and 5 oz. I was told my father was the first person to hold me. He told me that he could put my entire body from head to toe in the palm of his hand. My mother has always said that our relationship has been that close ever since. I have to agree with her. As little girls, we love our daddies. The relationship between a daughter and her father it’s different from the mother. The emotional connection, is one that is unmatched. A lot of times, it’s not about what they say, it’s just what they do. They have the ability to make all of the scariest things in the world go away just from a hug. My father is always been a safe place for me. If I’ve ever needed anything, wanted anything, or ask for anything.. he has always been there.
They say that your first love from a man is from your father, and it’s right. They say that children learn what they live, and this is also right.
Growing up he taught me three golden rules.:
1. Always be aware of your surroundings, and the company you keep.
There are dangers everywhere you go. (Especially after you leave home.) When you leave the safety of your home, the world can be a scary place. Everyone is not as friendly as we are, and you need to be cautious of that fact.
2. Get your education. That is the one thing that no one can take from you.
He always told me that you didn’t have to be perfect, but always do your best. I have always strived to do just that. I love to learn new things, and a lot of that comes from him.
3. Govern yourself like a lady.
ALWAYS be a lady.
My parents have been married 50 years this year. When I began to date, he taught me that the little things count. Opening doors, pulling the chair out for a lady, opening the car door for a lady. All of these things mean a lot. He taught me that chivalry is not dead. Women still love flowers, and cards. He wrote letters to my mother in college. He wrote cards to her, with some of the most beautiful admiration. I think that’s why one of my love languages is words of affirmation. I do the exact same thing.
He taught me that men protect and provide for the ones they love. He has always been present in my life, and when he walks in a room, his presence is known. He has a quiet Swagger. And that is just his nature. He is an acts of service kind of person. That is how he shows his love to people. He will do anything for anyone. Even literally give his shirt off his back. He is the true definition of a man, and my Superman. I love him dearly.
I don’t have any biological Brothers, but I do have some male friends that have seen him like a father and their lives. I tell them to this day, that I will never take that from them. I don’t mind sharing the love that I have for him with someone who may have never found that kind of love in their life.
All little girls want their father, and all big girls want their dad. They just make the world a better place. And even in this big old world, they reassure us girls that their arms are always open.
Watch this and consider taking (at least) 2 minutes TODAY to invest in an intentional conversation with your kids. It’s easier than you think!
Imagine the simple but cumulative effect of intentional teaching/conversational investment, doing this day after day (2 min a day), week after week (14 min a week), year after year (12 hours a year)….I’d wager to say the return would be exponentially greater!
Finding peace in the darkest times and the hardest circumstances, can feel like an impossibility.
The book of Philippians offers a 4-step process to find a lasting, mind-surpassing peace that is not dependent on the circumstances or situation we are in.
Don’t worry.
Pray. Tell God what you need.
Thank Him.
Fix your thoughts.
How do we NOT worry (#1) in the face of crushing darkness? In the threat of the loss of everything we know or knew our life to be??!
This directs us to #2. We pray. We CAN ask Him for strength. For courage. For hope. For peace. For protection. To provide our daily needs.
#3 feels impossible in the pit. But it begins to become a possibility when we try to see and start to recognize, even in the smallest ways, the direct intervention of a loving God in the big and small details of our lives. In a text from a friend. A call from a family member. An unexpected gift. Words of encouragement. These “coincidences” are not actually happenstance, but signs of a God who truly loves us and is actively intervening on our behalf to work for our good.
The slightest sliver of a crack in our eyelids to begin to open and see these things begins to bring a flood of light in darkness.
When our eyes begin to open in gratitude, we can now begin to (#4) FIX our eyes on what is TRUE; what is honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise.
This begins to shift the focus of our eyes off of all of the hurt, the darkness, the lies, the pain, and towards those good things He has for us and the truth He has given us.
These 4 practical steps only have their full effect of bringing God’s peace, which is something that far exceeds anything we have ever experienced or can understand, through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
Experiencing THIS peace is mindblowing! It is unshakeable. It is transformative. It is a new life. And it is AVAILABLE for EVERYONE, in every situation and circumstance! All we have to do is ask.
Turn towards Him and ask for this peace today. He is eager to give.
For Today
Don’t worry. Ask Him to help you here. Ask Him to provide exactly what you need!
Pray. Tell God what you need.
Thank Him. If your eyes feel closed, if this feels impossible, ask Him to begin to open your eyes to see this! Journaling these things is a great way to SEE what God is doing and how He is at work FOR us.
Fix your thoughts. Ask Him to help keep your eyes fixed on His truth, His word, and on Jesus Christ. Practically, start a dark day in the light of His word.
This is a resource for Journey Through Separation and Divorce
Notes: this is an edited repost of my original post “Mothers: Shaping the Next Generation of Healthy Men”
Mothers,
Do you believe you are shaping our world?
Where are you today, reading this?
I have experienced, heard, and seen, over and over, the influence a mother has on the lives of men and women. The actions of our mothers, showing up in childhood and adult life, shape who we are and who are becoming.
Mothers, YOU ARE powerfully influencing the next generation of men and women entering this world! You CAN give this world healthy, confident, secure, loving, and serving men and women.
There may be words, both within and outside of you, that try to tell you that you don’t matter, and what you are doing does not have an impact. This is not true. The stories of countless men and women, and my own story, prove this.
Mothers, YOU are critical! YOU are essential! Come together and talk! Support! Encourage each other! Be encouraged! You are raising sons and daughters who will shape the future!
We would not be here if it wasn’t for you.
Thank you.
Thoughts for Men:
Men, there is unity in this: we are ALL sons. We were wonderfully made and woven together within her. This gift of life is because of her!
Sons, how are you honoring your mother? Husbands, how are you honoring your wife, using what you learned with your mother? Dads take some time today to talk with your son.
Men, encourage your mothers! Thank them for their role in shaping us.
Recently, I realized I was in a season of transition. A housing change and upcoming move is bringing with it a new place, a different neighborhood, new neighbors, new experiences, and a different perspective.
But it is bittersweet. I don’t want this season of my current home base to end. My time here, in this place, has been the richest and sweetest time of my life.
Why do we so often cling onto our seasons so tightly? Does this keep us from seeing the opportunities ahead of us, and the areas of growth that are waiting to happen?
It’s so easy to try to hold onto where we are, rather than eagerly anticipating what is ahead of us. But, when we have a confident hope that there are good things planned for us, what do we have to worry about?
We have a choice: to start to lean towards and embrace a new season, or to try to cling to the one we are leaving.
Seasonal changes in our lives can provide a perspective and lens to view things differently. They can allow us to see the world in a different way. They can allow us to experience things in a different way. They can challenge resilience and ignite growth. Hard seasons, like the death of someone we love, divorce, a job loss, injury, or loss of relationship, are not as difficult to want to leave behind. But there is still opportunity for fruit to grow in these.
What season is ahead of you? What are you clinging to that you don’t want to let go of? Do you doubt that there can be good things ahead of you?
It is possible to prosper in every season, regardless of what each season holds. Regardless of the circumstances those seasons bring.
Psalm 1 says that those who delight in God’s Will, in his guidelines and principles, will be like trees planted along a river. They will bring forth fruit in EACH season, their leaves will NEVER wither, and they will prosper in whatever they do.
With this directive, there is hope that we can prosper in EVERY season we find ourselves in, if we remain planted in this truth.
I am so grateful for this opportunity to share Genea’s story. It has moved me and encouraged me tremendously and I hope it does the same for you as you read this. This is the first in a series of personal stories of how God is at workin this world and in our lives. These stories are not always tied up neatly with bows at the ends, but I hope the strands of faith, hope, and God’s love interwoven in these will encourage you in whatever you are facing.
“..I found myself where the Almighty had let me fall, and He picked me up and told me ‘You can’t handle this on your own, and you will NEVER have to’….I KNOW with conviction, that everything WILL be okay no matter what the circumstances are. If God can lead you to it, He will lead you through it….your situation is NOT your final destination…” -Genea
I grew up in Charleston South Carolina all my life. And I’m one of two sisters. I don’t have any brothers biologically, but have a lot of adoptive ones. I’m a pretty sociable person. I can get along with just about anyone. I’m a Vibes kind of person. I can feel People’s Energy. Especially bad ones. I enjoy good conversation, and intellect is a big thing for me. I love music. I am a huge rhythm and blues fan. Especially the early 90s. As well as a hip hop fan of the 90s. I like jazz, and classical music as well. I love coffee, I also love making desserts. Especially brownies. I make some of the best you’ll ever eat. I have another dream of opening up my own bakery shop. I’ll call it: Demetra’s Decadence.
As far as my education goes, I graduated from Voorhees College in Denmark, South Carolina. I attended there from 1998 to 2003. I got my bachelor’s degree in Sociology. And that is where I fell in love with working with children. I have worked with children for the last 35 years. I have certifications and early childhood literacy, Behavior modifications , as well as CPR. After college, I moved to Florida with my best friend and her husband to Tyndall Air Force Base. There, I ran my own in-home child care business, before working at a few facilities. When I moved back home, I opened up Sugar Babies. That was my in-home child care business in South Carolina. I ran that for a good 15 years. Then some unforeseen circumstances happened, and I had to close.
Which would bring me to my lymphedema situation.
My Story
I have had lymphedema since the age of 12. I continue to learn more about it everyday. I started seeing signs of it at the age of 12, and I know that it’s hereditary in my family. My grandmother, my mother, my two uncles, as well as two of my cousins also have it. Lymphedema is the condition where your lymph nodes get backed up with fluid. Usually in your lower extremities. You can also have it in your hands and your arms. It’s where your legs swell, as well as your hands. It is a progressive condition. You can also get it from cancer, childbirth, or car accidents.
I had been pretty functioning with mine. I was able to work, go to school, and walk for most of my life. Even at the heaviest. At my heaviest, My legs were probably 50 lb a piece. By God’s grace, I’ve never had a lot of breakouts, or Hospital stays. My mother, on the other hand, has.
Truly, this last three years have been my absolute hardest battle with my Lymphedema. I have really had to lean on my faith and spiritual relationship with God to help me through the hardships that I NEVER saw coming. The parts specifically where I would have to stop working, and when I was not able to walk.
Not being able to walk was the hardest I have to say. It was almost like.. Being stripped of your whole independence. At least in my eyes in the beginning. I had always been able to come and go as I pleased, whenever I wanted, and now I found myself where the Almighty had let me fall, and He picked me up and told me…” You can’t handle this on your own, and you will NEVER have to.”
From that day on, I surrendered myself to him in ALL things. Not just my Lymphedema… but every other aspect of my life as well. Whether it be family, friends, work, relationships or any other situations that may come up in my life. I ALWAYS come to Him first in prayer. Then I go on with life, and let the chips fall where they may.
I KNOW with conviction, that everything WILL be okay no matter what the circumstances are. If God can lead you to it, He will lead you through it. Also, your situation is NOT your final destination. I have only lived almost half of my life
The way I see things, the best is yet to come.
I have always been an eternal optimist. I try to always see the glass as half full. Now that I have lived some life, and had some experiences, I know that you cannot drink from an empty cup. It’s about self love. (As well as God’s love.) You must love and take care of yourself, before you can take care of anyone else.
I used to say that without faith, work is dead. Which I still believe, but now I also say, You take one step, God will always take two.
And ALWAYS pray. Pray consistently, and intentionally. Don’t just pray for what you want, or just when you get what you want. Always give God His praise, and never take things for granted. Just like you get things, they can just as easily be taken away.
I lean on my faith in God with everything that I have. I came into this world 4 months early, at 2lbs and 5oz.,born with hydrocephalus, and a VP shunt. I had five head surgeries by the time I was 12 years old, due to an infected VP Shunt. I had up to ten seizures a day by the end in 1992. It was definitely by a lot of prayer, as well as God’s grace, that I was healed. It was the roughest time in my life, as well as my mother’s and the rest of my family. To be honest, I don’t know if I would survive it now if I was still going through it.
I know that God gives his strongest Warriors the biggest battles. And I have come out triumphant through many tribulations by his love, and being his child. I give all honor and praise to him. He, and the angels that He sends to help me along the way. Of everyone else that supports me as well. And I am truly blessed. And I am at peace with everything. Of course I have my down days just as anyone. But that is the human part of me.
We all are flawed, but made perfect in His image. I do the best I can, to have the best life, and be the best person I can.
Genea
Genea still struggles with the effects of lymphedema on an hourly and daily basis. This affects every element of her daily functioning and movement.
If you feel led to, please share how God used this story to encourage or inspire you. Genea can be reached at ebonechaton43@gmail.com
A few months ago I sent an email to Dr. Michelle with this question: “I was wondering…have you ever thought about applying your insights on dad-daughter relationships from ‘Let’s Talk’ to a book about marriage? I’ve been finding your stuff in the ‘Let’s Talk’ book to be incredibly helpful for my relationship with my daughters, and it also seems applicable to the marriage relationship too.”
She immediately wrote back and said, “Wow…there’s an idea I haven’t thought of! I do often remind dads that their wife (or ex-wife) is a daughter too so all these things with their daughters also apply to marriage. I haven’t felt led to write a marriage book, but here’s an idea: What if you gave my book to 10 or 15 guys and then created a support group to apply the same principles to better understand and pursue the hearts of your wives.”
That’s all it took for me to reach out to 12 guys and ask if they would be willing to ask their wife this question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how deeply do I connect with you?
There was a common thread in their initial responses: “That’s a hard question!”
Several were actually not sure if they really wanted to know the answer to this question. And some were afraid to ask.
Perhaps we as men all hoped that if we asked, we would get at least an 8 or 9. But what if we got a 4 or a 5? How would that feel?
Now I have a question for you guys who are reading this: How would you respond if you got a low number response?
Would you be angry, upset, or defensive?
Would you be deeply wounded?
Would you blame her…or yourself…for the low score?
Or, would you be curious and say, “Please tell me more about why you scored me that way?” or “How can I improve my score?”
To be honest, I was afraid to ask.
Afraid of hard questions that might expose a broken connection.
Afraid of how my wife might answer.
But mostly, afraid because I knew our connection was damaged and I just didn’t know how to “fix” it.
“Fixing” a low score, at least to me, involved doing something I thought needed to be done to solve the problem. Then even if she shared something good, if I missed the mark on how she needed to feel more connected to me, my “score” still probably wasn’t going to improve.
I’ve realized that when I try harder and harder to “fix” it, we both end up feeling farther and farther away, disconnected. Then I end up even more afraid to ask the tough, difficult questions and more frustrated with where we are.
Asking “harder”, deeper, better questions about our relationships, about how we can improve, can be intimidating, and it’s also very revealing.
But it is one key way to get deeper into the heart of the woman and daughters we love.
And finding a way into that depth is essential, in my opinion, to building a strong, healthy connection with her.
I was encouraged recently when asking this same question to a larger group of approximately 50 men. There were several who were curious to learn more about what their spouse (or girlfriend) might say and how they could connect better.
Even if they felt afraid, they asked. And they even shared the responses they heard! It was clear they wanted a better relationship and were interested in feedback on how to get there.
Guys, how can we move past fear?
How can we love well, listen curiously, and connect deeper?
And how will you know if you are connecting wellunless you ask?
Are you ready to be an intentional, courageous man and jump into curiosity about how you are connecting with your wife/girlfriend or daughters?
If you’re reading this article through, then I’m going to say, YES, YOU ARE!
A man who moves past fear and into the risk of deeper conversations will discover huge potential for discovery, intimacy, and growth.
Let’s do this, dads!
Be amazed at the wonder you will uncover in asking and hearing the answer to this simple “hard” question.
Once again, here’s the question to ask her: On a scale of 1 to 10, how deeply do I connect with you…and how can I improve my score?
Ask it today, with a curious, humble heart.
Alex Gerber is just a regular guy who lives in Charleston, SC. He works as a home health physical therapist. He has two daughters. They enjoy “adventuring”, being outside, fossil hunting, and playing silly games. He enjoys running, surfing, hiking, camping, and being in nature. He also enjoys asking curious questions to learn and prompt deep thought.
What does he need to have, or know, before he can step into his role and purpose in life and move forward as a truly confident, safe, and joyful protector and provider for others?
I believe, as a starting point, he needs to fully and deeply know WHAT the answers to these questions point towards in his life:
Where does he go for safety and refuge?
Where does he find real rest?
Where does he go for instruction?
What guides him?
What keeps him solid, and not collapsing, WHEN the storms hit?
What makes him thrive?
Where does he find joy?
How does he get to fully experience the pleasures of a good life?
Men, look into your answers to these questions and examine where and what they point to.
Knowing this may allow you to know what your source of life (i.e. strength, energy, motivation, love, security, provision, emotional and spiritual stability, hope, peace, joy, etc) is and where it comes from.
My question is, How can a man truly provide and protect those entrusted to him, if he does not KNOW that he himself is provided for and protected?
I found David’s example from Psalm 16 so incredibly comforting and inspiring. David knew trouble. He knew despair. He knew heartache. He also knew where and what his source of life was.
David KNEW:
Gratitude: “every good thing I have comes from you”
Heart gladness: “my heart is glad, and I rejoice”
Body rest and safety: ”my body rests in safety”
Security: “I will not be shaken”
Stability: “He is right beside me”
Protection: “You guard all that is mine”
Rejoicing: “no wonder my heart is glad and I rejoice”
Provision and inheritance: “You alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing”, “the land you have given me is a pleasant land. What a wonderful inheritance!”
Wisdom and instruction: “You will show me the way of life”
He was not alone: “…granting me the joy of your presence, the pleasures of living with you forever”, “He is right beside me”
Soul rest: “You will not leave my soul among the dead”, and above
Reading the words of a man who was so confident in what, in WHO, he was rooted in, and seeing his knowing of how he was protected and provided for, has challenged me again to look at where I find my source of life and refuge and HOW I know that I am truly protected and provided for.
I believe a man has to deeply know that he is protected and provided for, before he can most truly do this for others.
I don’t know exactly why, but this is where I am today as I started off in Proverbs 31, written by the wisest man who ever lived. I figure, if he knew, I could listen. This, I could dwell on for hours, years, a lifetime.
We are given the opportunity to have an abundant, rich life, and a man is given a life so abundant and full when he has a good woman in his life.
Proverbs 31:10-31 NLT, [10] Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. [11] Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. [12] She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
There aren’t enough words to be spoken of the power of this woman in the life of a man. He is stronger, wiser, more capable, more giving, more loving, more gentle, more, more, MORE, when she is present. She brings him good, all the days of his life.
I have personally known, met, and encountered these women. I have seen the impact they have on the lives of the men around them and that they share life with, on their families, their communities, and the world. I would not be where I am today without a good woman who was in my life, and now many good women who speak into my life.
But “good” is a soft word. An overused word. And one that doesn’t come close to describing what this woman is.
I find the original Hebrew word much more powerful.
“Chayil”
This word signifies strength, power, and valor.
It describes a woman with great capability.
With strength of character.
It is often associated with military might, wealth and influence, “implying a woman who is capable and effective in her roles” (ai definition)
Today, I hope that men will see and recognize thewoman in their life. May we men encourage, build up, affirm, support, and inspire this woman. She is strong, she is capable, she is powerful, influential, and she brings much good.
I hope you enjoy this song, “woman”, by Mumford and Sons, as much as I do.
Moving Forward 