I have been thinking of how often men desire to get honor. If we are honest, how often do we want to be held in a position of honor, respected and held high?
But this week, as I was reading in 1 Peter, something struck me. Peter has instructions for husbands to live in an understanding way with their wives and also “to give” them honor.
..In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together… 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
Here Peter seems to shift the perspective away from how we get honor, and towards how we give honor.
While in this context, he is speaking into the relationship between husbands and wives, I can see it expanding into the relationships with others in our lives—our families, our parents, our neighbors, our leaders, etc.
So, what does it really mean to give honor and become men who focus on giving honor? That’s what I want to explore today.
Perspective
Perhaps the question is not so much, “How do I show honor?” but first, “How do I view another person?” It seems to me that this is Peter’s point.
Giving honor can be lived out practically, but it first begins with a renewed mindset and heart attitude. The mindset shift is toward who that person is—their identity.
From what I have learned, giving honor looks like the assignment of honor, value, or worth to someone else. It is holding them in an esteemed position. It may look like seeing and experiencing them as a gift in your life.
Perhaps the question is not so much, “How do I show honor?” but first, “How do I view another person?”
I personally believe that all people are created in the image of God. For me, this alone should be enough to assign honor to every single person I come across in this world– everyone should be treated with it. But before I can even treat someone right, I have to have the right mindset. A humble one.
…”And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 1 Peter 5:5-6
My heart must be softened by grace, gratitude, and the Holy Spirit before I can respond consistently in gentle kindness and understanding.
Peter doesn’t just start his letter with the instruction to “give honor” and “treat your wife with understanding.” He has already explained the hope of salvation, a call to holy living, and directed the readers to look at Jesus as the example to follow. And so, from Peter, I see giving honor as:
- The understanding of a grateful mindset—one who knows what they have received.
- The evidence of a heart living with expectation of a priceless inheritance.
- The response of one who is looking at and following Jesus as an example.
- The outflow of a man being transformed by the Holy Spirit.
A Gift to Be Honored
All of this culminates in how Peter points husbands to view their wives:
…”She is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.” 1 Peter 3:7
She is equal. She is your partner. She shares with you in God’s gift of new life.
From the perspective of a spouse—for men, your wife—she is such a great gift that it can’t be understated! Her value in your life is immeasurable. Assigning her the honor that she is due goes far beyond simply treating her nicely. It includes holding her up, both privately and publicly, in admiration, respect, consideration, protection, provision, and valuing your relationship with her as your most important earthly relationship.
Giving honor protects the integrity of your marriage, her dignity and reputation, and gives her the respect she is worthy of.
If you are married and know Jesus, you have a double gift. You, more than many, should be deeply grateful. So honor her. Treat her well. Show that you really understand the gift that has been given to you.
What It Looks Like for Married Men
I asked a few married guys how they give honor to their wives. Here are some of the responses:
“I encourage the things that she enjoys doing. Keeps her happy!”
“To serve with love and never expect anything in return. To protect, to provide for. To never speak negatively about (her) to others. To communicate directly to that is never in an attacking manner. To not assume malicious intent of her actions…to give freely with a generous and loving heart.”
“My wife’s love language is words of affirmation, so I make an extra effort to give her compliments or intentionally find something nice to say to her and it has made a big difference.”
“Treat her as a gift from God.”
“I always open the door for her and tell her I love her every day! She is my Proverbs 31 wife. I will always be by her side!”
“I always try to lift my wife up by giving her daily affirmations, I try to serve her by helping to contribute to the daily tasks around the house…treat her with respect in public.”
“If you want to know how well I am doing at showing honor to my wife, you will need to ask her. Her opinion is more objective and has the most value. I know I can do better, and I know that
with God all things are possible.”
“The way you treat a person, and particularly the person you are designed to love and honor the most, is a good reflection of your own personal spiritual health”
“Words of affirmation. Physical touch. We have the same love languages thank the Lord. Also I try to apologize. I know I need to when I can barely let the words out of my mouth because I think I’m right!”
I am so thankful for all of the responses I received. They brought out some key points. I want to highlight one final response that stood out to me:
“If you want to know how well I am doing at showing honor to my wife, you will need to ask her. Her opinion is more objective and has the most value. I know I can do better, and I know that
with God all things are possible.”
What It Looks Like for Me
On the other side of a failed marriage and having walked through divorce, I’ll admit there have been times in my life where I failed to give honor when I should have, and even moments where my words, attitudes, or actions communicated dishonor instead.
But now to me, extending this kind of honor looks like placing my own desire for honor on the back burner and pursuing the honor that another person deserves. It’s a way to express to them how valuable they are to me.
To me, honor starts with elevating someone above myself. It involves sacrifice and service. And it requires a growing understanding of grace and love.
With my daughters, this may look like listening well when they voice their opinions and perspectives. It looks like giving them a safe space to bring everything they have. It looks like trying to understand them in every way that I can. It looks like looking out for their welfare and dignity in every situation we are in. Apologizing when I am wrong, and taking action to correct my mistakes.
Extending this kind of honor looks like placing my own desire for honor on the back burner and pursuing the honor that another person deserves.
If I sense that something may not bring them honor or be honorable toward them, whether privately or publicly, I am called to respond to that in a way that brings them honor.
Often, I see the importance of communicating honor—telling my daughters, my friends, my close relationships, and especially my family, how much they mean to me.
Can I find opportunities to do this every day?
Absolutely.
Moving Forward
For men, we may often feel like life and relationships demand so much of us, and it can be hard to give back. But today, and everyday, an opportunity exists for you to give honor to someone. Can you look for it?
My aim in writing this is to encourage you, no matter where you are at, to look for those opportunities.
What does giving honor in your relationships look like?
Who can you extend honor to today?
Are there any practical steps you can take to make this happen?
— Alex Gerber
For more on this topic…
Moving Forward 
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