I was recently reflecting on a scene from the movie “Gladiator”, where Maximus faces the unbeatable Tigris of Gaul. Maximus wins the fight, but instead of killing Tigris, the greatest gladiator of all time, he spares his life and earns the title “Maximus the Merciful”. 

While I can’t think of any times as dramatic as this in my own life, I believe there may be nothing more significant and powerful than how we men extend mercy toward others in our lives. They may not be movie scene-worthy moments, but each day we are presented with choices and opportunities to extend mercy that will leave a permanent impact on hearts.

What Is Mercy?

James writes, “There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you” (James 2:13).

The Greek word for mercy is eleos. Mercy includes compassion, kindness, withholding deserved punishment, and helping someone in their weakness. Or perhaps more simply, “treating people better than they may deserve.”

For me, in order to really understand mercy, I have to look first at God’s treatment of me. His mercy, as shown in His goodness, faithfulness and kindness towards me through Jesus Christ, never ends! The greatest demonstration of mercy that I know is the cross– Christ taking on himself the judgment that I deserve. 

And so, my ability to extend mercy is lived out of and flows from understanding and experiencing this.

How We Often Withhold Mercy

There are likely many reasons why we men might withhold mercy. Some are intentional, and some unintentional. Perhaps fear, wounding, or pride keep us from giving mercy.

Withholding mercy may not always be noticeable outwardly, because the process of withholding starts in our hearts and minds.

For example, we may inwardly withhold mercy when we ignore people, close the door on relational reconciliation, pass over someone in need, view someone with a bias, keep score of failures, assume the worst motives, refuse to seek understanding, want revenge, hope to see another person to fail, refuse to pray for them, or withhold honor (or something good) because someone let us down.

The book of James points to favoritism happening within the church. Biases and a lack of mercy within was revealing something deeper– a heart posture that was not aligned with God.

I know that when my heart gets proud, I lack mercy. For me, withholding mercy looks like a refusal to give something good to another person. Something I can give, like a kind word, the best of my time, fair treatment, or a truly listening ear.

When I withhold mercy—usually in arrogance—I damage the relationship. But when I extend mercy (and that can be so hard sometimes) I open a door for the relationship to grow.

Mercy Toward Ourselves

Without excusing anything we need to take ownership of, what about failing to show mercy toward ourselves?

I want to say that sometimes I might withhold mercy from myself by living under shame and condemnation, and carrying the weight of past failures when I have already been forgiven.

I may keep trying to be “better” or perfect to make up for my let-downs, in a sense partially defining myself by my own failures.

I can choose to live under a shadow of shame, thinking God’s grace can’t rewrite my story. Or I can step into His mercy, illuminated by the understanding of what He has done for me and reflecting that to others.

What Mercy Looks Like

A man’s heart truly changed by grace and softened by love moves forward in gratitude, and towards others in tender mercy.

Mercy shows up in our lives in patience, forgiveness, honoring others, not keeping score, not harboring bitterness, and seeking the best for others no matter how much they have wounded us. Practically, it may look like showing kindness, especially when someone fails, and extending a hand to repair relational damage.

Mercy extends outward when my heart is softened. For me, extending or withholding mercy reveals my posture. Either I am on my knees in gratitude, remembering what God has done for me, or I am standing with my chin held high, looking down at someone else and forgetting what has been given to me.

My own heart battles between these two daily. Will I be merciful? Today I pray:

Lord, let mercy rule in my heart. Today, If I am faced with a situation that asks “judgment or mercy?”, may I remember: mercy wins.

Moving Forward

Is there anyone in your life that you are withholding mercy from?

Do you need to reach out to reconcile a relationship?

Is there anyone today you can extend mercy towards?

Becoming men who generously extend mercy will be felt within our communities. Our families, neighbors, churches, and cities will benefit! The words of Micah ring strong to me as a summary of how I can walk forward today:

“No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Prophet Micah, 722 B.C.

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Author’s Note

I want to share a “secret” on men’s growth. There are so many voices and resources bringing content forward on what it looks like to be a man. It can be exhausting and overwhelming to try to even begin somewhere. But, there is actually a guide. All of my topics and all of my writing come straight from what I have been reading in the Bible. I have found no other place to be more impactful, practical, and applicable than God’s word. No matter where you are spiritually, I believe you will find something in it for you. Give it a try today. And if you don’t have a Bible and would like one, let me know.

Alex Gerber
gerberxc@gmail.com

For more in the “Becoming Men Series” and related: Becoming Men Who Give Honor…